ON MAKING:

Archive: 

While eating at a restaurant called The Witchery, in Edinburgh Scotland, I said to a waiter “I am a collector of things” in hopes that he would let me take the intricately designed menu home with me.1 My mom and my best friend laughed at me for saying this but in response I said, 

“it's true isn't it? That's what I do” 

It is what I do. I collect, I accumulate, I gather, and some people may even say I hoard, but that's neither here nor there and frankly, not anyone’s business. Every note, business or birthday card, flyer, zine, drawing, sticker and so on gets stored in my archive of sentiment. This archive currently resides in bins, boxes and bags in a chaotic order of sorts; it makes sense to me and that’s what matters. 

Busy: 

Recently on my Exacompta Bloc Faf notepad I wrote, “BRAIN IS ALWAYS BUSY, WHY?” To answer that question I would say, I don’t know. Maybe it is the ADHD or my obsessive personality but who's to say. 

I am busy all the time and in every sense of the word. While yes, I may not always be busy in terms of classes, social life, jobs etc, my mind will always be busy and so will my space. Because I myself am always busy, my mind darting back and forth and up and down and in every direction, the art and things I create take on similar characteristics. I like to think of Jean-Luc Nancy’s “The Image — the Distinct” where he writes, “There is nothing in the spirit that is not in the senses: nothing in the idea that is not in the image”3 This speaks to how the busyness of my spirit is reflected in my ideas and my images that I create. While I do get frustrated with my head being on high speed mode for a lot of the time, I believe this makes me a better artist; without the busy nature of my thoughts how else would I stumble upon an idea that is unique and excites me? 

Collage: 

I have always loved collage. Digging, searching, playing, and pasting, it all brings me joy. There is something impactful that arises when images and things combine to make a single unit. It is as if these items were destined to exist in the same context as one another, whether that be permanently or ephemerally. 

If you think about it, collage is a lot like people. People individually carry their unique stories and experiences; when these individuals come together for whatever purpose, connections are made and stories are shared. When I think about collage in my practice I think about accumulation, just as I myself am a collection and accumulation of all the people and things in my life. 

Dearly: 

“I love you dearly,” is something I say to all the people I love. As much as my art can frustrate me at times I do like to think about my creations as a person, specifically someone I love. I try my best to handle each work of mine with the care and appreciation I have for a friend or family member. In a way, I birthed these works, making me their mother. 

Ephemera: 

Some people may say I am a collector of things. This section dives deeper into my archive of sentiment and what it consists of. So what does it consist of, you might ask? To that I will simply say, anything and everything you could think of. 

I began storing these items of sentiment in highschool when I first started my chaos journal. I would acquire paper-esque ephemera everywhere I went; This includes receipts, ribbon, beads, flowers, book pages, postcards, photographs, tickets, and the list goes on and on. I used to store them in these pink bubble wrap ziploc bags, until I had to upgrade to boxes and bins for storage. When I work with this ephemeral collection, the scraps somehow just explode around me, usually creating a kind of Nest that surrounds me and I can’t escape it. That’s not really a bad thing sometimes because it allows me to become fully enveloped in all the things I love; why else would I have kept them in the first place? 

Flux: 

Just as my brain goes in many directions at once so does my artistic practice and my ideas. I juggle a lot of ideas and concepts at once. This has its benefits and issues simultaneously. Sometimes the excessive amount of ideas pushes me to interesting uncharted territory and that gets very exciting. However, I will sometimes find myself in a state I call “concept paralyzation”, meaning I get so many concepts in my head that I am at a standstill, overwhelmed, and unsure of where to go next. The transition between these two states, excitement and stuck, is what I have come to term the Flux. 

Grind: 

One of my best friends is the lovely Mary Jane. Me and this girl hangout when I need to expand on some ideas. I will find myself sitting with an idea and thinking that there is something beyond what is already there. So that's when I will call up Miss Jane and we grind these ideas together. A mind map is key in this situation and is likely the best representation of how my mind works visually. It is in these moments that I can push any judgement aside and simply spill my brains out on the page.

Home: 

There is just something about your hometown, your home, your other home and the other one. I have had many “homes” in my life like the school where I spent 16 years of my life, Memphis Tennessee, Hot Springs and West Memphis Arkansas, Washington D.C., my childhood friends, my family and my art. 

“Home” means a lot of things and home can be anything. But one of my homes is most definitely my art. My practice is a place I get to go for peace even though it may not always be a peaceful process, I find peace anyways. Just as I will always find my way to home wherever I am, my practice as an artist is something that I will always wind up skipping back to. 

Implicit: 

One of my favorite songs of all time and personally I think is one of the best songs of all time is Implicit Demand for Proof by Twenty One Pilots The song is a prayer in its own right. Demanding to know the truth concerning the existence of god and questioning if anyone is even listening. This can go deeper into my relationship with my own faith and religion but here I want to engage the word implicit and the song in relation to my artistic practice. I am an artist because I am but it is not expressed anywhere explicitly, certainly not on my birth certificate. Rather, it is implied through what I do. Much like the song, I question if there is a higher purpose but regarding my practice, I occasionally find myself questioning why I always come back to art; art is my center, my core, maybe even my soul, but why? 

Journal: 

My dear and beloved chaos journal (fig. 2) is the beating heart of my artistic practice. It originally began as bullet journaling until I realized I actually do have free will and can do whatever I want. So I did. And I continue this every day. A to-do list paired with pasted sticky notes and maybe an oil pastel illustration is only a taste of what you can expect looking into this journal. This is where the chaos makes sense to me. This book of collage is a testament to, again, who I am and all that I love. 

Knots: 

For some reason that I am still not entirely sure, I find myself using string and tying knots frequently in my practice. There is significance behind the material of string and the act of tying knots. It relates closely to the love of craft. Growing up, one of my favorite places in the world was Mud Camp, an Episcopalian summer day camp where you played in the mud but more importantly, made friendship bracelets with embroidery string. I feel as if crafting plays a large role in what I do in my daily practice. I think most artists craft even if they think they don’t. The craft is something that you do, it's something that you create. 

Lurk: 

This is the term I like to use to describe the way I carry myself when I am intensely locked into creating something. Imagine Nosferatu, that's me. I am always sort of moving in some way and typically hunched over. Notably I keep to myself and sometimes just stand and stare. Some people would call this zoning out or getting distracted, but here I am actually thinking really deeply and if I move I may lose the idea. 

Macabre: 

I used to be the biggest “chicken” when I was growing up. My uncle Doe Doe used to have a Walking Dead computer wallpaper. When I would come to visit my aunt and uncle’s house, I would refuse to enter until he changed the wallpaper because it scared me so much. Hell, I used to be afraid of the damn wind. But, one day something switched. As a teenager with unlimited and unmonitored internet access I found myself obsessed with watching youtube videos on SFX makeup and movie props. That is when I discovered behind the scene videos on how they did each of the traps from Saw (2009).All of that fear I possessed as a child vanished and I jumped all the way in, watching every horror film I could get my hands on. No longer afraid because I knew it was all fake guts and gore and more importantly, I learned how to do it myself. My exploration into SFX makeup is a core part of my artistic journey. The technical skill I acquired as a part of that exploration remains significant to my work today and I am looking forward to incorporating my love for scary things into my practice as an artist. What I create is usually very vibrant and sweet but what inspires me is typically dark and gory. Therefore I aim to continue my practice in a way that allows me to create space for both facets. 

Nest: 

Something I do in most every facet of my life is what I have come to refer to as Nesting. When I am working on a piece, creating something, doing homework, sitting on the couch, I naturally seem to just collect a lot of items around me, surrounding me like a nest. When it comes to working on my art the Nest becomes explosive, myself and my materials are all over the place and there may even be more than one nest. 

Obsessive: 

I experience many emotions very intensely. I like things and love things very intensely. I always think about one quote from Donna Tartt’s The Secret History. Tartt writes, 

“I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive” I know my soul is full of so many things and while I don’t know what I could provide for proof of that but from soul to soul, just trust me; you get it. This obsessive facet of my personality manifests itself in numerous ways. If I find a show or movie I like, I cannot think of anything else. I cannot like anything in a normal way and I have come to love that about myself. I will sometimes “catch” an idea and it will stick like sap. Sometimes it will take up so much space in my brain I simply have no other choice but to do it; I have to make it a reality. 

Puzzle: 

Executing my ideas for projects is a lot like a puzzle for me. So many pieces have to come together to see the full picture. I can see the front of the puzzle box in my head, the idea is there but sometimes it takes time. If I am in a state of concept paralysis it's like the frustration of filling in the weird obscure parts of the image. My creation of a work differs from a puzzle when the final piece is placed. With my art, there really is no final piece. Rather there are infinite pieces, infinite possibilities. Imagine a puzzle that constantly changes, fluctuates, builds on itself and expands to horizons a puzzle from Hobby Lobby wishes it could. 

Query: 

A majority of my ideas start with questions and continue to ask questions throughout the execution of the ideas. Who am I? What does an archive of sentiment look like? Should I try oil painting? Why am I an artist? What is my purpose as an artist? 

Ritual: 

Being in the studio feels like participating in a ritual where something different or new happens every single time. However, there are always constants. Multiple beverages is essential to functioning in this ritual, water is always one of them and most times another will be a diet coke. Two other essentials are music and a sketchbook + chaos journal is a constant. When I find myself stuck in any way during this ritual I take myself on a wander. 

Significant: 

In my practice, everything I do is significant, there is nothing that is unimportant in the work I create. Everything has a purpose and is done intentionally. I hold this sentiment with most things in life. I can find importance and significance in most things; It makes this scary world ever so slightly less scary. 

Tension: 

There is a certain tension between me and a particular voice in my head. The voice that says I am not successful and that I am not talented enough. This is my inner saboteur as RuPaul would say. I am trying to be proactive in not letting that voice influence my creation any further. I attempt to resolve this tension by simply going for it. If I make something that I think is “bad”, whatever, who cares, at least I made something. The days I can push my inner saboteur to the side and release that tension are the days where I create work that is authentically me. 

Unless: 

Ideas are caught and they are often caught from a quick and fleeting moment. The ideas do not care what point you are in within a certain project, they will come regardless. I will find myself finishing up a piece when I suddenly think “unless…” meaning I got an idea and it is itching to be incorporated into the existing work. Sometimes this works in my favor and sometimes not, however it is all part of the process with creating. 

Vision: 

When ideas come to me I treat it like a mystic would treat a vision. In a way I do see something; the idea is there in my mind and I can see what it looks like visually. This idea calls to be manifested in reality and I as the messenger must honor that request. 

Wander: 

Often I like to wander around when I am struggling with ideas in the studio. I have found that just taking a walk whether that be within the studio, the building itself, or outside can assist in clearing my mind and a lot of the time, fixing my mood. 

Xenotropic: 

I am using this crazy word to refer to the way that I hold copies of myself within my being. What I am getting at here is that inside of me and my soul, I carry all versions of myself past and present. Each version of myself contributes to make me whole and therefore, makes my art whole. 

Yolk: 

My yolk is my center self, my soul I've been talking about. If my soul is the engine that operates my art, I have to nourish it, nourish the yolk. This typically involves watching movies, television, scrolling through pinterest, listening to music, walking outside, talking with other creative individuals, hanging out with Mary Jane, or talking to my family. 

Zany: 

I used to be embarrassed by my weirdness when I was younger. However, as I enter my early twenties I yearn to embrace my weirdness now more than ever. The most interesting things are created by the weirdest people so I use my weirdness to my advantage in creating artwork. Be absurd, make weird things, be your weird self because there is only one you and one life; make the most of it.